Posted in:   From the Tale
My shoulders sag as all the fight leaves me. A profound sadness, tinged with an infinite sense of loss and lostness, hovers just below the surface of my flight instincts. All this magic has made me aware of who I am not, and what I do not have in my life, and the gap that exists between my fumbling experiences and Kayla’s subtle, expansive power that slips between her words like melted honey – delicious, nourishing and natural. Once again tears come, hot and unbidden, and with them a hot shame that I am not enough, out of my league, but too far down this road to back out of it.
Kayla takes me into her arms and rocks me. I don’t have words for these things that twist and tangle me up, but the feelings are there, as quivering bundles of energies and tremulous body sensations. And I let Kayla inside of me, deeper than I’ve ever let anyone before. I sense her brushing up against my fears and my desires, my shame and my hopes, my certainty that I cannot, will not, walk away from her, and my barely suppressed urge to bolt in the opposite direction.
When my crying slows, Kayla takes my wet face between her warm hands and speaks to the place in me that shimmers between my desires and my fears, “You are enough Sarah, for me, for the Dark Goddess, and for the magic coming into your life. All that matters is what you truly, deeply want.”
I close my eyes, and hear the echoes of Opa Kass’s wisdom: everything you need is within you; deep inside you know what matters most to you. My hands move to the center of my body, and I sense the soft, even breath of my sleeping beauty, my feminine soul, stretched out on the green earth in her pristine white gown. And I want, more than anything else in the whole world, to kiss her ruby lips awake.